The Ten Commandments: The Seventh Commandment

THE DECALOGUE:
A SUMMARY OF GOD'S PRECEPTS FOR GOD'S PEOPLE

The Seventh Commandment:
On Fidelity (Exod 20:14)
pdf
Dr. Paul Manuel

(There are different divisions of the Commandments in different traditions: In Protestantism (for the most part), v. 2 is the introduction and v. 3 is the first command. In Judaism, vv. 2-3 together are the first command. In Roman Catholicism and Lutheranism, vv. 2-6 are the first command, and v. 17 contains two commands. This study follows the primary Protestant division, recognizing that v. 2 is declarative and v. 3 contains the first imperative.)

When I am preaching, if I use a word that may not be familiar to people, I try to include a definition. When I am teaching, if I use a word that may not be familiar to people, I may ask someone in the class to define it. Such clarification is especially important when the word in question is central to the point.

A third-grade SS teacher was uneasy about her lesson on the seventh commandment, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." How should she explain it to the children? She decided simply to ask, "Can anyone tell me what adultery means." As she expected, there were several blank looks, and she wondered how best to proceed. Then a young sage raised his hand and answered the question quite matter-of-factly, "Adultery—Are you ready for this?—is when a kid lies about his age."

Oh, if it were only as simple as that! Alas, adultery is far more serious, for it rends the fabric of the marriage union. Adultery may include lying, but the deception is usually about more than one's age. The priority God assigns to this relationship is evident in the place He accords this requirement. He includes a command On Fidelity, in The Decalogue: [this] Summary of God's Precepts for God's People.

From the beginning of recorded history, marriage has played an important role, and God defined what He intended when He instituted that relationship. In God's design, marriage is the union of one man and one woman.¹

Gen 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."² . . .22 Then the LORD God made a woman... and he brought her to the man.... 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Jesus reiterates this design.³

Matt 19:4 "...at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' 5 and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

While the pattern has remained unchanged since the beginning, man has attempted
to modify it in at least three ways, adjusting the original design to satisfy his own desires, and God has responded variously to these modifications.

• Design modification #1: polygamy

• Man's reasoning: If one wife is good, then two or more wives must be better.

• God's response: He permits it but does not change the original design.⁴

Perhaps God figured that most men would avoid having several wives when they realized how difficult (and expensive) it can be to satisfy one.

• Design modification #2: homosexuality

• Man's reasoning: If the union of a man and woman is good, then the union of two men or two women is also good.

• God's response: He prohibits it as a violation of the original design.⁵

It is interesting that our society reverses its response to these two modifications, prohibiting what God permitted (polygamy) and permitting what God prohibited (homosexuality).

Despite these attempts at revision, the divine rule has remained the same. Marriage is the union of one man and one woman. Nevertheless, there is a third force that would undermine the sacred relationship.

• Design modification #3: adultery

• Man's reasoning: If a (sexual) relationship with one woman is good, then a (sexual) relationship with another woman should also be good, perhaps even better.⁶

• God's response: He prohibits it as a violation of the original design.⁷ Apparently, God viewed this potential modification to be a significant threat to His design and included a prohibition against it in the summary of His precepts to Israel.⁸

Please turn to...

Exod 20:14 [= Deut 5:18] You shall not commit adultery.

This command is terse in English, only five words. It is more terse in Hebrew, only two words. There is no explanation of what adultery is. Evidently the practice is familiar enough.⁹ The command lists no exceptions or extenuating circumstances that might make adultery acceptable. Evidently, there are no such alternatives. God prohibits it, period.

Unfortunately, two words are not enough to curb man's rebellious inclination. In fact, the practice is so insidious that the biblical writers address it repeatedly throughout scripture, and they are unanimous in their condemnation of it.¹⁰ Most important, though, is that...

I. God condemns physical (literal) adultery.

because...

A. It shows a person has the wrong devotion.

and that...

• He cares more for personal indulgence than for personal integrity (Mal 2:14-15; Prov 2:1617).¹¹

The prophet Malachi, addressing the men of his day, traces the problem of
adultery not to an excess of hormones but to an absence of honor.

Mat 2:14b . . . you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.... 15f ...do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

Lest we think that the fault is always with the man, when Solomon writes to a young sage about the value of wisdom, he includes a warning about the lure of an extra-marital affair.

Prov 2:16 [Wisdom] will save you.. .from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, 17 who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.

In both instances, the biblical author notes that adultery is more common later in marriage, the so-called "seven-year itch" (see Safire 1997:232-234), which is probably closer to ten years. At that point, the honeymoon is definitely over, and if a couple has not established a strong relationship, the husband or the wife may begin to look elsewhere for satisfaction. Researching this topic, I found several reasons a person may be unfaithful, both sexual and non-sexual, but all of which make adultery a response to one party's not meeting the "needs" of the other (Anderson 2001). What is the solution to this dilemma? The prevailing counsel is: To keep your spouse faithful, you must keep your spouse fulfilled.... This is typical of our self-absorbed society: "It's all about me—my needs, my desires. If my home life is not satisfying, then I'll look for satisfaction elsewhere. So, if you want to keep me, keep me happy."

While it is important to be sensitive to the needs and desires of one's spouse, failing in that does not justify adultery. These two biblical passages, both of which offer God's perspective on the matter, trace infidelity to a lack of integrity. In other words, when you stand before the throne of judgment, God is not going to ask if your marriage was fulfilling but if you were faithful. Did you keep "your marriage covenant," "the covenant [you] made before God?"

Jesus does not advocate taking vows frequently or lightly. His advice for most cases is...,¹²

Matt 5:37a Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.'

I have mentioned before that the words, "I promise," fall too easily from our lips. (For example, I can conceive of no occasion when parents should ever use such a statement with their children.) That assertion, especially when those who make it do not keep it, becomes devoid of meaning. It brands the one who utters it unreliable, or worse, a liar. That assertion should, in fact, be a rare occurrence, a mere handful of times in a person's life. One of those appropriate times is when a couple gets married and pledges to be faithful to each other. Unfortunately, that part of the wedding ceremony is often omitted from the service or disregarded in the marriage. The traditional "forsaking all others" clause has in form or in fact disappeared.¹³ A couple unwilling to pledge fidelity should avoid matrimony.

Once people make that promise, they must keep that promise, because the alternative, which ministers rarely mention in pre-marital counseling, is to invite God's displeasure.¹⁴

Ecci 5:4 When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. 5 It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.

If you cannot keep your word, do not give your word. If you cannot be faithful, you should not be married.

God condemns physical (literal) adultery, because it shows a person has the wrong devotion, that he cares more for personal indulgence than for personal integrity. God also condemns physical (literal) adultery because...

B. It sends a person in the wrong direction.

• He loses whatever he has gained rather than gaining what he cannot lose (Prov 6:32-35; 1 Cor 6:9-10).

When Solomon addresses the young sage, he contrasts two cases where a person takes what does not belong to him.

Prov 6:30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving. 31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house.¹⁵ 32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.... 33b ...his shame will never be wiped away; 34 for jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. 35 He will not accept any compensation; he will refuse the bribe, however great it is.

In the case of a person who steals another's food, the circumstance makes sense of the theft. He did so out of necessity, to save his life. That does not excuse the sin but does explain the sin in a way that is rational. In the case of a person who steals another's spouse, the circumstance does not make sense of the theft. He did so without necessity, not to save his life but to satisfy his lust. Both men face a penalty for their crime, and while the penalty for the first may seem extreme—as much as "all the wealth of his house"—it pales in comparison to what the second will pay. He will be left with...

• No reputation, for "his shame will never be wiped away" (v. 33);
• No reprieve, for the jealous husband "will show no mercy" (v. 34); and
• No reparation, for the husband "will not accept any compensation" (v. 35).

The adulterer, by his indiscretion, stands to lose everything.

Solomon is speaking in temporal terms, about what an adulterer will lose in this life. The apostle Paul, addressing the same topic, speaks in eternal terms, about what an adulterer will lose in the next life.

1 Cor 6:9b Do not be deceived: . . .adulterers... 10b . . . will [not] inherit the kingdom of God.

The reason a person who commits adultery "lacks judgment" is that he fails to look beyond the moment, beyond his immediate desire to his ultimate destiny. He fails to recognize—or he refuses to admit—the ramifications of his actions.¹⁶

Today, much of the stigma once attached to adultery is gone. People refer to it with playful sounding euphemisms. Instead of sin, it is "fooling around" or "sleeping around," having "a fling," "an affair," or "a dalliance." People regard it as a recreational activity, even therapeutic.

[It can] make you a better lover, help you with your mid-life crisis, bring joy into your life, or even bring excitement back into your marriage. Nothing could be further from the truth. An affair might give you more sex, but it could also give you a sexually transmitted disease. It might bring your marriage more excitement, if you consider divorce court exciting. (Anderson 2001)

Do not let the hype about adultery fool you or, as Paul says, "Do not be deceived." God regards adultery very seriously, so much so that He made it a capital offense.¹⁷

Deut 22:22 If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel.

Where adultery is still part of our penal code, it is generally less than a capital crime and rarely enforced. In Pennsylvania, for example, "adultery is technically punishable by 2 years of imprisonment or 18 months of treatment for insanity" (emphasis added; Wikipedia contributors n.d.). Someone who commits adultery may not be thinking straight, but he is not insane; he is in sin.

The problem with sin, especially the sin of adultery, is that it sharpens some senses and dulls others. It maximizes the part you think is attractive and minimizes the part you know is repulsive.

I know a fellow who had an affair—that euphemistic term for adultery. It was a brief encounter, as such things often are, but it affected many areas of his life for many years. Even though he repented...

• It marred his relationships with his wife and their children.
• It expanded his responsibilities after the woman became pregnant.
• It drained his resources as he had to support another child.
• It damaged his reputation because others questioned his trustworthiness.

(These are some of the same consequences Solomon listed.) Perhaps most serious...

• It limited his role in the divine plan by closing certain opportunities for ministry.
• It reduced his reward from God for faithful service.

What temptation to sin are you facing? ...Consider for a moment how yielding to it would affect these areas of your life: ... your relationships ... your responsibilities ... your resources ... your reputation ... your role ... your reward. Purpose now to be faithful, especially in your marriage, to nurture your relationship with your spouse, Do not let passion overcome prudence.

Adultery is not "when a kid lies about his age." It is far more serious, for it rends the fabric of the marriage union. Once damaged, is it repairable? Yes, with repentance, with a rebuilding of trust over time, with a mutual commitment to making it work, and with much prayer, it is possible to restore a relationship. It is, of course, far better to prevent the damage by nurturing a marriage with displays of affection, with regular conversation, with recreational activities together, with mutual admiration, and with much prayer. In both cases, the alternative to adultery is fidelity. So Solomon says...

Prov 5:15 Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.... 1 8b rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Eccl 9:9a Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love....

What Solomon says to men also applies to women, that for both parties the sacred institution of marriage might be a blessed one as well.

Part 2

Marriage is often alternately blissful and stressful. Sometimes, when it is the latter, you may wonder if you could have made a better choice.

Wanting to avoid that uncertainty later in life, a woman decided to begin her search early by casting the net broadly. She placed an ad in the classifieds that read simply, "Husband wanted." Over the next few days she was overwhelmed by the response. She received more than a hundred letters, and they all said the same thing... "You can have mine."

Getting married is sometimes like going to a restaurant with a friend. You order what you want, then, when you see what your friend gets... you wish you'd ordered that. Marriage, however, requires a commitment, a decision that people are not always willing to make... or keep.

When God instituted marriage, He had a specific arrangement in mind—the union of one man and one woman. Not content with what God arranged, man has attempted to alter the equation by introducing modifications to God's design.

• Thinking that if one wife is good, then two wives must better, man's first modification was to introduce polygamy. God permitted it but did not alter His original design.

• Thinking that if the union of a man and woman is good, then the union of two men or two women is also good, man's second design modification was homosexuality. God prohibited it, calling the practice an abomination, and did not alter the original design..

• Thinking that if a relationship with one woman is good, then a relationship with another woman should also be good, man's third design modification was adultery. This, too, God prohibited and did not alter the original design.

Of the three modifications, the third evidently posed the most serious threat to God's design, for He includes a prohibition against it in The Decalogue: A Summary of God's Precepts for God's People. The seventh commandment reads...

Exod 20:14 [= Deut 5:181 You shall not commit adultery.

As a summary, the commands in this list do not provide much detail. For an explanation of why this precept is so important, we must go elsewhere in scripture, and several other passages offer reasons why the practice is wrong. In fact, wherever else we turn in the Bible, the message is the same.

I. God condemns physical (literal) adultery. 

One reason it displeases Him is because...

A. It shows a person has the wrong devotion. 

and that...

• He cares more for personal indulgence than for personal integrity.

Solomon, in his counsel to a young man, and the prophet Malachi, in his address to the returnees from Babylon, both decry the practice... and for the same reason. Recognizing that adultery is more prevalent later in life, these two biblical authors do not attribute it to the failure of marriage to meet the needs of one party but to the failure of that party to keep his or her word, the vow of fidelity that is part of the wedding ceremony. Indeed, when you stand before the throne of judgment, God is not going to ask if your marriage was fulfilling but if you were faithful. So, if you cannot keep your word, do not give your word.

Another reason adultery displeases God is because...

B. It sends a person in the wrong direction.

• He loses whatever he has gained rather than gaining what he cannot lose.

Again, Solomon addresses the danger inherent in adultery when he contrasts the plight of two men who take what does not belong to them. In the case of a man who steals another's food because he is starving, his crime is punishable but understandable. He is attempting to save his life. In the case of a man who steals another's wife, his crime is also punishable but not understandable. He is attempting to satisfy his lust, and the repercussions for him are much greater. He will be left with...

• No reputation., for "his shame will never be wiped away";
• No reprieve, for the jealous husband "will show no mercy"; and
• No reparation, for the husband "will not accept any compensation" (v. 35). The adulterer, by his indiscretion, stands to lose everything, in this life as well as in the next, for Paul says "adulterers... will [not] inherit the kingdom of God."

Therefore, it is incumbent upon you who are married: Purpose now to be faithful, to nurture your relationship with your spouse. Do not let passion overcome prudence. The alternative to adultery is fidelity, which is what God expects from men and from women, that for both parties the sacred institution of marriage might be a blessed one as well.

When we read the seventh commandment in this list of ten, it is immediately clear that God condemns physical adultery. As other passages make clear, however, marital infidelity is possible in another way, a way that also displeases Him, and for similar reasons. In addition to physical adultery...

II. God condemns virtual (mental) adultery.

because...

A. It shows a person has the wrong devotion.

and that...

• He cares more for the world than for the Lord (1 John 2:16).

We face a host of choices every day that represent various levels of significance— good, bad, and indifferent.

• Some of the things we do, the decisions we make, have no inherent value. They are neither good nor bad.

• For example, if a person asks me to teach him karate because he wants to stay in shape. My decision to accept him as a student probably has no ethical significance. It is simply a matter of scheduling.

• Some of the things we do, the decisions we make, have no inherent value but can assume a particular moral value. They can become good or bad.

• For example, if a person asks me to teach him karate because he wants to defend himself against bullies at school, and I discover that, after training for a while, he is bullying other students, my decision to teach him has become wrong.

• Some of the things we do, the decisions we make have an inherent value from the beginning. From the start, they are either good or bad.

• For example, if a person asks me to teach him karate because he wants to protect his drug dealing gang from the competition, my accepting him as a student would definitely be wrong.

The apostle John addresses this distinction in his first epistle, listing a few things in that third category, things that have no redeeming value but from the start are definitely wrong.

1 John 2:16 ...the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does come[] not from the Father but from the world.

The second item, "the lust of [the] eyes," encompasses all manner of illicit desires, including improper sexual desires. Such things are not inherently neutral; they are inherently bad, because they are exclusively "from the world." As such, they devote your time, your energy, your money to things that oppose God's kingdom and that turn you away from the Lord.

You may be involved in an activity you know is wrong, but it happened so gradually that now you feel stuck. You were sucked in, the temptation caught you at a weak moment,¹⁸ but that does not mean you must stay in, that you are trapped and cannot get out. As the apostle Paul writes...

1 Cor 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

No temptation, however attractive, is irresistible, although the more often you give in to temptation the more difficult it is to get out of temptation. Nevertheless, you are not left to fend for yourself, because God can strengthen your resolve to resist temptation and keep you close to Him.

God condemns virtual adultery because it shows a person has the wrong devotion, that he cares more for the world than for the Lord. The mental act of adultery can also have dire consequences, because...

B. It sends a person in the wrong direction.

• He moves toward hell and not toward heaven (Matt 5:29).

Jesus, in his Sermon on the Mount, comments on this matter, indicating the very real danger it poses by recommending in graphic terms an extreme remedy.

Matt 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

Jesus is not talking about the physical act of adultery but about the mental act of adultery, a fantasy in the privacy of one's mind, not the kind of thought that pops into your head uninvited, but the kind that you dwell on and develop more and delight in. Even if it were to go no further, even if no one else ever knew what you were thinking, it is sin enough to condemn a person to hell. Mental adultery may seem virtual, but there is an actual price to pay.

One promoter of virtual adultery is pornography. Available in magazines and on TV, the medium that is especially pernicious is the internet, because it invades so many more homes and businesses. It seems that no matter how tightly you set your filters, invitations to view lascivious material will still appear in your email, invitations you must delete, lest they clog your mailbox and prevent your receiving important correspondence. What harm would there be in looking at them? If no one is around, then no one will know... no one except God, the one to whom you have pledged your loyalty. Although Jesus lived long before the internet, his graphic warning applies to any form of sexual fantasizing... as does his solution. If you cannot resist looking at pornographic sites, you could pluck out your eyes... or you could get rid of your computer. For some people that second solution would be a radical step, but it might be sufficiently successful and is certainly less painful.

Another problem with mental adultery is that it can develop into actual adultery. What begins in the mind can manifest in the flesh. Even innocent and inadvertent situations can progress to serious and salacious incidents. David's experience in 2 Sam 11 illustrates the line we must not cross, the line between looking and lusting.

2 Sam 11:2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, 3a and David sent someone to find out about her.... 4 Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her.... Then she went back home.

There was nothing wrong with David's being on the palace rooftop. (Some commentators fault him for not being with his troops in the field, but the biblical author makes no such judgment.) There was nothing wrong with Bathsheba's being on her rooftop, although she could have been more discreet. When David saw Bathsheba, he could have appreciated her beauty and simply wondered at her immodesty. Instead, he crossed the line and ventured into sin and away from God.¹⁹ At this point, David already has at least six wives.²⁰ Evidently, polygamy, which should curb adultery in men, does not.

David's experience illustrates the spiraling course of sin in general and of adultery in particular.²¹

• It rarely affects just one person.

The enticement of sin blinds you to the extent of sin. What you think is a private matter generally has ramifications beyond what you are willing to admit.²²

• It may change the way you relate to others.
• It may hinder your ability to be open and honest.
• It may make you hesitant, even fearful your secret will become public. 

Sin rarely affects just one person... and...

• It rarely includes just one action.

Left unattended (i.e., unrepented), one sin usually leads to another. The next step may involve lying to conceal what you have done,²³ but it rarely stops there. Moreover, committing one sin makes committing the next sin easier, because sin cauterizes your conscience. It silences the inner alarm that would normally warn you of impending moral danger. Without that warning, that restraint, there is little to prevent further decline. For David, it led to the proxy killing of Uriah, Bathsheba's husband.²⁴

Sin rarely includes just one action... and...

• It always entails more than you can handle.

No matter how strong you think you are or how little you think you are deviating, when you stray from the path of righteousness, when you deliberately go off course, you remove yourself from the protection of God's grace. What He enables you to endure as you serve Him—be it temptation or suffering—is far greater than what you can endure apart from Him. When you stray from God, sin is always more than you can handle... and...

• It never ends the way you want.

What is attractive about sin is the prospect of personal fulfillment. It feels good or gives you an edge, which it may, indeed, do. Unfortunately, whatever benefit you receive is generally illusionary and always temporary. David married Bathsheba, but the child he fathered with her died at birth—God's punishment for the king's sin.²⁵

If you knew the way things would turn out, you would probably choose differently, but sin suspends good judgment. How else can you account for doing something that never ends the way you want.

Despite the potentially debilitating and lingering affects of sin in general and of adultery in particular, it is possible to mitigate the most harmful of these: the eternal judgment awaiting the guilty. As with other violations of God's law, He has provided a means of pardon. Paul contrasts the fate of the wicked, who are guilty of many things, with the fate of the righteous, who are forgiven many things.

1 Cor 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10b . . . will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

That same pardon continues to be available to those who accepted God's original offer but who have grown lax in their obedience. Moreover, the requirement is also the same: repentance from sin and faith in God. David realized this and wrote Ps 51 to mark his restoration.

Even if you have strayed from the path of God's will, and even if you cannot undo the mistakes of the past, it is possible to return to Him and to enjoy the promise of God's blessing now and in the future.

Marriage requires a commitment, a decision that fewer people are willing to make or keep. Adding to the difficulty is the temptation to fantasize about having a relationship with someone else. Someone you think might offer greater satisfaction, sexually, emotionally, or in some other way. Not only does such preoccupation drain energy from the relationship you do have, it endangers you more than you realize.

If virtual adultery is a temptation for you, the proper counter-measure is the same as the counter-measure for physical adultery. Nurture your marriage with displays of affection, with regular conversation, with recreational activities together, with mutual admiration, and with much prayer. Here again, the alternative to adultery is fidelity, which is what God expects from men and from women, that for both parties the sacred institution of marriage might be a blessed one as well.

For the Bibliography and Endnotes see the pdf here