Dr.
Paul Manuel—2020
Text:
Heb 13:4 Marriage should be honored by
all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all
the sexually immoral.
Outline:
I. Marriage
is an honorable state.
Application: God
intends marriage to be a permanent endeavor between a man and a maid
lasting as long as both shall live. (Matt 19:6)
II. Marriage
is a pure state.
Application:
All people are responsible to
keep God’s commands about sexual morality. (1 Cor 6:18)
III. Marriage
is an accountable state.
Application:
People often behave as if their conduct has no consequences. But
actions do have consequences, both good and bad. (Matt 16:27)
Introduction: Much has transpired since
man’s first contact with woman in the Garden. Man may even have gotten smarter,
some men at least:
Jim said to his
co-worker Jack, “I have not spoken to my wife in several months…because I don’t
like to interrupt her.”
Some men may
even have gotten smarter, although silence does not guarantee marital harmony.
Background:
Marriage is not for everyone, but it is for most people, if for no other reason
than to provide a proper setting for physical intimacy:
Since there is so much immorality, each man should have
his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his
marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband… To the
unmarried…I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they
cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to
burn with passion. (1 Cor 7:2-3, 8-9)
Many people, however, engage in the latter (i.e., physical
intimacy) without adopting the former (i.e.,
marriage), thereby engaging in
immorality and setting themselves outside God’s will, which is not a good place
to be. On the contrary, the best place to be is at the center of God’s will,
and marriage helps most people with that positioning, especially if they
maintain “The Sanctity of Marriage.”
Paul argues against
asceticism (Hughes 1977:563), considering marriage
an acceptable state, even a preferable state, although he himself is unmarried
(“as I am” v. 8), and he counsels his readers accordingly. Why Paul is unmarried may have to do with
his itinerant lifestyle. In any case, he does not consider his occupation to be
a disqualifying factor:
Don’t
we have the right to take a believing wife along with
us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas? (1 Cor 9:5)
Still, he recognizes a husband’s obligation to his wife:
A
married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his
wife. (1 Cor 7:33)
Perhaps Paul does not want his
attention divided between the needs of those under his care and the needs of a
wife. It is a strict way of applying Jesus’ warning against serving “two
masters:”
Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be
devoted to the one and despise the other. (Matt
6:24)
Nevertheless, Paul realizes that marriage
deserves the believer’s respect, and “that….
I. Marriage
is an honorable state.
As an honorable
state marriage is also a desirous state, something sought because it is
advantageous in many ways:
• Having a mate can enable a person to “enjoy
life” (Eccl 9:9).
• Having a mate can bring a person “good”
always (Prov
31:12).
• Having a
mate can be profitable because “two have a good return for their
work” (Eccl 4:9).
And
most importantly…
• Having a mate can bring “favor from the Lord” (Prov 18:22).
Moreover, marriage is
to be a permanent state (“as long as you both shall live”). Divorce, however,
is permissible, although it evinces man’s weakness, his rebellious nature (Manuel
2015):
“I
hate divorce,” says the Lord God
of Israel. (Mal 2:16)
Moses permitted you to divorce your
wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the
beginning. [This suggests that divorce was not an option for Adam and Eve.] Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital
unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. (Matt 19:8-9)
The vague
grounds for divorce that many people claim today (e.g., irreconcilable
differences) are simply unacceptable to God, who expects people to resolve
their disagreements not retreat from them. Such resolution is especially
necessary when children are involved, both for their ultimate good and for the
example it sets. The only grounds that accords with God’s will is marital unfaithfulness (again,
disobedience), because that truly breaks the marriage bond. Anything less may
strain the union, and often does, but does not rupture it irreparably in God’s
eyes (although even when it does, reconciliation, however unlikely following
divorce, is still possible).
When a marriage fails, it often
demonstrates unrealistic expectations about what such a union entails or, more
importantly, an unwillingness to yield one’s personal ambitions to the
ambitions of another. Successful marriage always entails some sacrifice (and
compromise), but successful marriage always brings great reward, exceeding whatever
sacrifice it requires. Marriage is an honorable state.
Application: Many
people do not view marriage the same way they regard a career or education, as
a goal one achieves only with great effort. Yet there are many similarities,
especially in the commitment marriage requires. It is a long-term endeavor, not “to be entered into unadvisedly or
lightly.” Marriage is not an experimental lifestyle one establishes on a whim
and then discards if it does not go well. There is no such thing as a starter
marriage, a brief first union that ends in divorce with no kids, no property,
and no regrets. God intends marriage to be a permanent endeavor between
a man and a maid lasting as long as both shall live:
What God has joined together, let man not separate. (Matt 19:6)
Marriage is
not a temporary arrangement. It is a permanent commitment between two people from
the start. As such, marriage is an honorable state.
II. Marriage
is a pure state.
When the biblical author says “the marriage
bed [is to be] kept pure,” he means that God has imbued the physical act of
intercourse with the ability to sanctify the union in His eyes.
By the same token, intercourse outside of marriage, lacks
the divine imprimatur and is, thereby, impure. That is why God prohibits immorality,
because, whether by any sexual license, adultery or fornication, immorality
sullies what God has sanctified.
The term the biblical author uses here,
“pure” (NAS “undefiled”) evokes the sacrificial system, and the need for all offerings
to meet God’s exacting standards. He expects His people to uphold the same high
standard in their personal relations, including the relation of marriage:
Do not have
sexual relations with your neighbor’s wife and defile yourself with her. (Lev
18:20)
Do not
defile yourselves…because this is how the nations
that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. (Lev 18:24)
Do
not follow any of the detestable customs that were practiced before you came
and do not defile yourselves with them. I am the LORD your God. (Lev 18:30)
God has always wanted His people to
remain pure, and for married people this is especially so.
Nevertheless, purity is not for the married
alone; it is for “all,” including the unmarried. They are to maintain their
purity as long as they are unmarried. Beyond (or after) that, they are free,
even expected to engage in marital intercourse:
Do
not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote
yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you
because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor
7:5)
All
people, married and as well as unmarried, must “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor 6:18). No sexual immorality, not adultery
or fornication,
may have a part in the life of God’s child.
There is something about marriage that
makes it unlike any other relationship, about the intimacy it establishes, an
intimacy that Adam understood:
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be
called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Gen 2:23-24)
Intimacy does
not automatically follow a single act of intercourse (or a formal ceremony). It
depends on maintaining a most important attribute in the relationship, the one
feature that promotes careful attention to details, details the song “Do You
Love Me?” from Fiddler on the Roof that Golde sings to her husband Tevye
when he questions her devotion:
Do I love you?
[she asks]
For twenty-five
years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your
meals, cleaned your house
Given you
children, milked the cow [= an interesting juxtaposition]
After twenty-five years, why talk
about love?
It should be
obvious. Golde’s attention to the details of their marriage is proof of her
love for Tevye. Such attention to detail combats the forces that would chip
away at marriage.
Application: Marriage
is not like a series of outer garments a person collects in a clothing store before
entering the changing room to see which one fits then deciding what to buy. It
is much more like a package of underwear that, once opened, cannot be resealed
and returned for a refund.
Some of God’s commands He directs narrowly,
to His people Israel. Other commands He directs broadly, to all people,
including gentiles. Prohibitions against various kinds of sexual immorality are of the
second type. As such, all people are responsible to keep God’s
commands about sexual
morality. So the apostle Paul says more than once:
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are
outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. (1 Cor
6:18)
Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or
of any kind of impurity…because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Eph
5:3)
Put to death…whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual
immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires…. (Col 3:5)
It is God’s
will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality. (1
Thess 4:3)
No one is exempt from
maintaining moral purity. Marriage is a
pure state.
III. Marriage
is an accountable state.
A vow people take before God—and all vows
are before God—they are responsible to keep, lest they suffer His
displeasure, as several passages warn:
When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes
an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not
break his word but must do everything he said. (Num 30:2)
If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will
certainly demand it of you, and you will be guilty of sin. (Deut 23:21)
LORD, who may dwell in your
sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? ….He who keeps his oath even when it
hurts. (Ps 15:1, 4)
People
must recognize that they are responsible to God for the words they speak (Manuel
2002b).
Application: You may think that much of what you say is
inconsequential, and it may be. Much of what you say in the course of a day
does not matter, but you say it any way. A promise, however, is not
inconsequential.
A vow or promise may be to another
person, but it is essentially before the Lord. Indeed, every vow is
before the Lord, whether or not a person intends it to be:
Whatever
your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the
LORD your God with your own mouth. (Deut 23:23)
Consequently,
a vow is a serious commitment one must not make lightly, lest he incur God’s
displeasure. God does not take lightly, frivolous vows. For some people a vow or
promise comes easily, too easily. The words, “I promise” are often quick to
pass one’s lips, especially in casual conversation. They should not. People must
reserve such language for solemn occasions (e.g., wedding, court), not make it
a flippant addendum for emphasis:
When you
make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools;
fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill
it. (Eccl 5:4-5)
Many parents
use the phrase “I promise” with their children, which can raise unrealistic
expectations for the them or damage the parents’ credibility, especially if
they do not follow through with their commitments. Ultimately, a vow or promise
is to the Lord, which makes both it and the person who utters it accountable before God.
People often behave as if their conduct
has no consequences. But actions do have consequences, both good and bad:
The
Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he
will reward each person according to what he has done. (Matt 16:27)
What consequences will your actions
today have? Marriage is an accountable state.
Conclusion: Silence does not guarantee
marital harmony, but fidelity does promote it, in great part because it accords
with God’s will. Whether or not you are married, you can understand “The
Sanctity of Marriage.” Does your life accord with God’s will?
