The Sanctity of Marriage redux (Heb 13:4)

 Dr. Paul Manuel—2020

 Text:

Heb 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Outline:

      I.    Marriage is an honorable state.

Application: God intends marriage to be a permanent endeavor between a man and a maid lasting as long as both shall live. (Matt 19:6)

     II.    Marriage is a pure state.

Application: All people are responsible to keep God’s commands about sexual morality. (1 Cor 6:18)

    III.    Marriage is an accountable state.

Application: People often behave as if their conduct has no consequences. But actions do have consequences, both good and bad. (Matt 16:27)

Introduction: Much has transpired since man’s first contact with woman in the Garden. Man may even have gotten smarter, some men at least:

Jim said to his co-worker Jack, “I have not spoken to my wife in several months…because I don’t like to interrupt her.”

Some men may even have gotten smarter, although silence does not guarantee marital harmony.

Background: Marriage is not for everyone, but it is for most people, if for no other reason than to provide a proper setting for physical intimacy:

Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband… To the unmarried…I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Cor 7:2-3, 8-9)

Many people, however, engage in the latter (i.e., physical intimacy) without adopting the former (i.e., marriage), thereby engaging in immorality and setting themselves outside God’s will, which is not a good place to be. On the contrary, the best place to be is at the center of God’s will, and marriage helps most people with that positioning, especially if they maintain “The Sanctity of Marriage.”

     Paul argues against asceticism (Hughes 1977:563), considering marriage an acceptable state, even a preferable state, although he himself is unmarried (“as I am” v. 8), and he counsels his readers accordingly. Why Paul is unmarried may have to do with his itinerant lifestyle. In any case, he does not consider his occupation to be a disqualifying factor:

Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas? (1 Cor 9:5)

Still, he recognizes a husband’s obligation to his wife:

A married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife. (1 Cor 7:33)

Perhaps Paul does not want his attention divided between the needs of those under his care and the needs of a wife. It is a strict way of applying Jesus’ warning against serving “two masters:”[1]

Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. (Matt 6:24)

Nevertheless, Paul realizes that marriage deserves the believer’s respect, and “that….

      I.    Marriage is an honorable state.

     As an honorable state marriage is also a desirous state, something sought because it is advantageous in many ways:

     •   Having a mate can enable a person to “enjoy life” (Eccl 9:9).

     •   Having a mate can bring a person “good” always (Prov 31:12).

     •   Having a mate can be profitable because “two have a good return for their work” (Eccl 4:9).

And most importantly…

     •   Having a mate can bring “favor from the Lord” (Prov 18:22).

     Moreover, marriage is to be a permanent state (“as long as you both shall live”). Divorce, however, is permissible, although it evinces man’s weakness, his rebellious nature (Manuel 2015):[2]

“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel. (Mal 2:16)

Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. [This suggests that divorce was not an option for Adam and Eve.] Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. (Matt 19:8-9)

The vague grounds for divorce that many people claim today (e.g., irreconcilable differences) are simply unacceptable to God, who expects people to resolve their disagreements not retreat from them. Such resolution is especially necessary when children are involved, both for their ultimate good and for the example it sets. The only grounds that accords with God’s will is marital unfaithfulness (again, disobedience), because that truly breaks the marriage bond. Anything less may strain the union, and often does, but does not rupture it irreparably in God’s eyes (although even when it does, reconciliation, however unlikely following divorce, is still possible).

     When a marriage fails, it often demonstrates unrealistic expectations about what such a union entails or, more importantly, an unwillingness to yield one’s personal ambitions to the ambitions of another. Successful marriage always entails some sacrifice (and compromise), but successful marriage always brings great reward, exceeding whatever sacrifice it requires. Marriage is an honorable state.

Application: Many people do not view marriage the same way they regard a career or education, as a goal one achieves only with great effort. Yet there are many similarities, especially in the commitment marriage requires. It is a long-term endeavor, not “to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly.” Marriage is not an experimental lifestyle one establishes on a whim and then discards if it does not go well. There is no such thing as a starter marriage, a brief first union that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets. God intends marriage to be a permanent endeavor between a man and a maid lasting as long as both shall live:

What God has joined together, let man not separate. (Matt 19:6)

Marriage is not a temporary arrangement. It is a permanent commitment between two people from the start. As such, marriage is an honorable state.

     II.    Marriage is a pure state.

     When the biblical author says “the marriage bed [is to be] kept pure,” he means that God has imbued the physical act of intercourse with the ability to sanctify the union in His eyes.[3] By the same token, intercourse outside of marriage, lacks the divine imprimatur and is, thereby, impure. That is why God prohibits immorality, because, whether by any sexual license, adultery or fornication, immorality sullies what God has sanctified.[4]

     The term the biblical author uses here, “pure” (NAS “undefiled”) evokes the sacrificial system, and the need for all offerings to meet God’s exacting standards. He expects His people to uphold the same high standard in their personal relations, including the relation of marriage:

Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor’s wife and defile yourself with her. (Lev 18:20)

Do not defile yourselves…because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. (Lev 18:24)

Do not follow any of the detestable customs that were practiced before you came and do not defile yourselves with them. I am the LORD your God. (Lev 18:30)

God has always wanted His people to remain pure, and for married people this is especially so.

     Nevertheless, purity is not for the married alone; it is for “all,” including the unmarried. They are to maintain their purity as long as they are unmarried. Beyond (or after) that, they are free, even expected to engage in marital intercourse:

Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor 7:5)

All people, married and as well as unmarried, must “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor 6:18). No sexual immorality, not adultery or fornication, may have a part in the life of God’s child.

     There is something about marriage that makes it unlike any other relationship, about the intimacy it establishes, an intimacy that Adam understood:[5]

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Gen 2:23-24)

Intimacy does not automatically follow a single act of intercourse (or a formal ceremony). It depends on maintaining a most important attribute in the relationship, the one feature that promotes careful attention to details, details the song “Do You Love Me?” from Fiddler on the Roof that Golde sings to her husband Tevye when he questions her devotion:

Do I love you? [she asks]

For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes

Cooked your meals, cleaned your house

Given you children, milked the cow [= an interesting juxtaposition]

After twenty-five years, why talk about love?

It should be obvious. Golde’s attention to the details of their marriage is proof of her love for Tevye. Such attention to detail combats the forces that would chip away at marriage.

Application: Marriage is not like a series of outer garments a person collects in a clothing store before entering the changing room to see which one fits then deciding what to buy. It is much more like a package of underwear that, once opened, cannot be resealed and returned for a refund.

     Some of God’s commands He directs narrowly, to His people Israel. Other commands He directs broadly, to all people, including gentiles. Prohibitions against various kinds of sexual immorality are of the second type. As such, all people are responsible to keep God’s commands about sexual morality. So the apostle Paul says more than once:

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. (1 Cor 6:18)

Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity…because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Eph 5:3)

Put to death…whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires…. (Col 3:5)

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality. (1 Thess 4:3)

No one is exempt from maintaining moral purity. Marriage is a pure state.

    III.    Marriage is an accountable state.

     A vow people take before God—and all vows are before God—they are responsible to keep, lest they suffer His displeasure, as several passages warn:

When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said. (Num 30:2)

If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will certainly demand it of you, and you will be guilty of sin. (Deut 23:21)

LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? ….He who keeps his oath even when it hurts. (Ps 15:1, 4)

People must recognize that they are responsible to God for the words they speak (Manuel 2002b).

Application: You may think that much of what you say is inconsequential, and it may be. Much of what you say in the course of a day does not matter, but you say it any way. A promise, however, is not inconsequential.

     A vow or promise may be to another person, but it is essentially before the Lord. Indeed, every vow is before the Lord, whether or not a person intends it to be:

Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth. (Deut 23:23)

Consequently, a vow is a serious commitment one must not make lightly, lest he incur God’s displeasure. God does not take lightly, frivolous vows. For some people a vow or promise comes easily, too easily. The words, “I promise” are often quick to pass one’s lips, especially in casual conversation. They should not. People must reserve such language for solemn occasions (e.g., wedding, court), not make it a flippant addendum for emphasis:

When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. (Eccl 5:4-5)

Many parents use the phrase “I promise” with their children, which can raise unrealistic expectations for the them or damage the parents’ credibility, especially if they do not follow through with their commitments. Ultimately, a vow or promise is to the Lord, which makes both it and the person who utters it accountable before God.

     People often behave as if their conduct has no consequences. But actions do have consequences, both good and bad:

The Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. (Matt 16:27)

What consequences will your actions today have? Marriage is an accountable state.

Conclusion: Silence does not guarantee marital harmony, but fidelity does promote it, in great part because it accords with God’s will. Whether or not you are married, you can understand “The Sanctity of Marriage.” Does your life accord with God’s will?

Bibliography

Bruce, F.F.

     1964      The Epistle to the Hebrews. NIC Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.

Hughes, Philip Edgcumbe

     1977      A Commentary on the Epistle to the Hebrews. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.

Manuel, Paul http://paulwmanuel.blogspot.com

     2002a     “Homosexuality: Affirming Our Biblical Bearings.”

     2002b    “Not at the Mercy of Your Mouth” (Prov 13:3). [Devotional]

     2015      Divorce and Remarriage.

Morris, Leon

     1981      “Hebrews.” Expositor’s Bible Commentary. Vol. 12. Edited by Frank E. Gaebelein. Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing Company. Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House.

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[1]In a crass way, it also avoids double-mindedness:

Ps 119:113 I hate double-minded men,   but I love your law.

Jms 1:8 He is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Jms 4:8 Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

[2]By Jesus’ day, divorce is increasingly more liberal (Manuel 2015):

Matt 19:3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

[3]“The marriage bed is a euphemism for sexual intercourse”. (Morris 1981146).

[4]This would exclude homosexuality as well (Manuel 2002a):

Lev 18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

[5]”The marriage union is divinely ordained” (Bruce 1964:392). Adam understood the uniqueness of this relationship:

Matt 19:5 A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

1 Cor 6:16 He who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.

Eph 5:31 A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.