A father's instruction

FATHER'S DAY:
A Father's Instruction
Proverbs 3:1-12
pdf
Dr. Paul Manuel—2012

For many young men, the prospect of fatherhood can be daunting, even overwhelming.

Three expectant fathers were in the waiting room of the maternity ward. The delivery nurse came in and spoke to the first man, "Congratulations, your wife just gave birth to twins!" "Amazing," he replied, "I work for 'The Twin Pines Motel!" A little later the same nurse returned and spoke to the second man, "Congratulations, your wife just had triplets!" "What a coincidence," he replied, "I work for AAA!" At this, the third man was on his feet. "I'm out of here," he said.... "I work for Seven Up!"

The prospect of fatherhood can be daunting, even overwhelming. Solomon, who also had a very large family,¹ offers some help, though, in his recounting of A Father's Instruction.

The Book of Proverbs is a collection of sayings from the sages, and chapters 1-7 take the form of instruction from a father to his son.² Much of it is in praise of wisdom and represents an attempt to impart the experiences and values of one generation to the next. Please turn to Prov 3, which indicates what fathers should value for themselves, by adopting several defining principles in their own lives, and what they should then convey to their children.

By the way, if your children are grown, do not assume that the window of opportunity for you to influence them is closed and that the biblical author's counsel is no longer relevant. Your influence may be less, but it is not lost, because God can always use a good example, and you can still be that.

In the opening verse, the author, Solomon, starts with an admonition that his son should...

I. Cultivate Good Character.

Prov 3:1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.

The author begins his instruction by indicating the value of what he is about to say in very practical terms. "Son, this advice will bring you the two things everyone wants: longevity and prosperity." You can probably anticipate the advice he has in mind. He is going to tell his son about the importance of drinking Ensure as he gets older and about how, when he is old enough to drive, he should lease a new Lexus. Anyone who watches TV already knows about this stuff. In our society, these are what mark longevity and prosperity.... What this father has in mind, though, is quite different.

Prov 3:3 Let [kindness] and [truthfulness] never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.

Solomon wants his son to cultivate the virtues of...

• Kindness and truthfulness (vv. 3-4)

This is not the recommendation we expect, and it is certainly not as cool as a new Lexus. What do "kindness and truthfulness" have to do with longevity and prosperity?³ When was the last time you saw a commercial about them?

The values society promotes do not necessarily pay the dividends society promises. No nutritional supplement, for example, can undo the damage of a hateful spirit on body and soul. Elsewhere in Proverbs we read...⁴

Prov 11:17 A [kind] man does himself good, but a cruel man does himself harm. [NAS]

Likewise, however much a new car may make your neighbors and colleagues envious, it cannot win the kind of respect that comes from a reputation of being truthful.⁵ That is a rare quality, one with lasting benefit, as another proverb indicates...⁶

Prov 12:19a Truthful lips endure forever....

These are not the values society seeks to convince us are important, but they are the values a father should impress upon his children, because they cultivate good character.

Next, Solomon advocates that his son...

II. Cultivate Good Communion.

...with God, setting before the boy four ways to implement that relationship. In each instance, the father also indicates the benefit that accompanies his instructions.

The first way this father counsels his son to cultivate good communion with God is...

• Trust the LORD. (vv. 5-6)

...with undivided devotion and unquestioning conviction.

Prov 3:5 Trust... the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and [the benefit:] he will make your paths straight.

Parents want children to have self-confidence, an assurance of their own worth and abilities. It is what enables them to meet challenges and to overcome an "I can't do this" attitude. It makes them less of a target for bullies, who are simply looking for an easy victim. Perhaps most important, it helps them to resist the kind of peer pressure that often leads to destructive behavior.⁷ In these ways, self-confidence is a good thing. Nevertheless, it is still only one side of the issue. Sooner or later a child will run into his own limitations and, unless he is prepared for these, unless he knows how to go on despite them, he will come to an abrupt and disconcerting halt. Along with self-confidence, a child must learn that there is help available when a situation is beyond him, making the twists and turns of life easier to navigate. So, the first way this father counsels his son to cultivate good communion with God is to trust the LORD, which entails undivided devotion and unquestioning conviction.

It was soon after high school graduation that I realized, I had no idea where I was going, no direction and no purpose. Several of my friends had gone off to college, something I has no desire to do— too much work, too boring, and too long. Imagine, four more years in school! Besides, my friends did not know what lay ahead either. I needed someone to give me direction, and it was then that I decided to treat seriously the faith in God I had professed as a young teen.

My father never sat me down and said, "Son, someday you'll realize that you can't see beyond your own nose. When that happens, remember to trust God, and He'll direct you." My father may have wished he had done that with me...as well as said some other things, but there are different ways to get a point across. What I may not have heard articulated in so many words, I saw demonstrated in his own faith. I have also found it to be true: When I trust God and follow the direction He provides, He does make the way clear for me.⁸ The same is true for you, and you can tell your children that the same is true for them. Again, the first way to cultivate good communion with God is to trust the LORD with undivided devotion and unquestioning conviction.

The second way this father counsels his son to cultivate good communion with God is...

• Fear the LORD.⁹ (vv. 7-8)

...and use that fear to avoid harmful choices.

Prov 3:7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. 8 [The benefit:] This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

We have all encountered individuals who have an inflated view of their own importance.¹⁰ In their enlightened estimation, they are God's gift to humanity because of their good looks or their superior intellect and wit, and they remind us often of our good fortune to know them and to bask in the glory of their presence. That inflated view is sometimes accompanied by the unwarranted assumption that they are always right, that they would never make a bad decision. The father here warns his son not to become like this¹¹ and then tells him how to avoid it.¹²

Notice the companion phrase: "Fear the LORD and shun evil." Some people have no fear because their ego is so big that it clouds their common sense. They think they are immune to the negative affects of actions that hinder lesser mortals. Then there are others who try to be that way.

• "I know when I've had too much to drink, and I'm fine.... I'll drive."
• "This stuff's not addictive. It just gives you a little buzz.... I can stop any time."
• "We're okay. Just once doesn't get you pregnant.. .or give you AIDS."

How much evil would we avoid if we feared God? As the father says,¹³ "This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones." So, the second way to cultivate good communion with God is to fear the LORD, and use that fear to avoid harmful choices.

The third way this father counsels his son to cultivate good communion with God is...

• Honor the LORD. (vv. 9-10)

...by returning a portion of what He has given you.

Prov 3:9 Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; 10 then [the benefit:] your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

The Book of Proverbs contains the common-sense counsel of various sages, their observations on godly living. These sayings are often guidelines rather than absolutes. That is what the father is offering his son here, a fiscal principle. Give God the first cut, not what is left over, and He will bless you. The problem with making this an absolute statement is that it raises the question: Why are some of God's people poor? They obey the first part without benefiting from the second part.¹⁴ The rabbis suggest that it gives those who have the means an opportunity to do good for less fortunate members of the community.

[One] rabbi had prayed long and fervently. "And what have you prayed for today?" asked his wife. "My prayer is that the rich should give bigger alms to the poor," answered the rabbi. "Do you think God has heard your prayer?" his wife asked. "I'm sure He has heard at least half of it," replied the rabbi. "The poor have agreed to accept." (Ausubel 1948:14)

The father is setting forth a simple, money-management plan based on his own experience and, perhaps, on the experience of others he knows.

Regardless of whether or not the second part comes true for you, whether or not God blesses you materially in response to your giving, the initial command remains a common expectation in scripture.¹⁵ So, the third way to cultivate good communion with God is to honor the LORD by returning a portion of what He has given you.¹⁶

The fourth way this father counsels his son to cultivate good communion with God is...

• Heed the LORD. (vv. 11-12)

...by following His instruction and accepting His correction.

Prov 3:11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, 12 because [the benefit:] the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

A Newsweek article had the results of a poll in which fathers today claim to be "better than their fathers." One way is that "52% say they punish their children less severely" (Alder 1996:60). Whether or not that is an actual improvement, discipline is a necessary part of growing up, and several other proverbs address its importance.¹⁷

• Prov 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
• Prov 19:18a Discipline your son, for in that there is hope....
• Prov 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.

Discipline is proof of a parent's love. Only a parent who does not care does not discipline. So it is with God. If He did not care, He would not bother. ...It is interesting that there are no references to disciplining daughters. Apparently, they are naturally well-behaved and do not need corporal correction.

Discipline prepares children for passage into adulthood by setting up guidelines and boundaries, by indicating—even reinforcing—the kind of behavior that is appropriate and responsible. Without discipline, a child is unruly and unfit for the company of others. Left to himself, he will carry these traits into adulthood, at which point he may shift from being annoying to being dangerous. He will also likely pass on those undesirable characteristics to his children.¹⁸

Discipline also prepares children for citizenship in God's kingdom because, to Him, even adults are His children. Your parents may no longer tell you what to do, for which they are probably quite relieved, but that does not mean you may live as you please. God has certain expectations which, at times, may not be easy or particularly enjoyable. As with properly motivated parental discipline, though, God's discipline is always for your good.¹⁹ The writer of Hebrews says, "it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it" (12:11b). So, the fourth way to cultivate good communion with God is to heed the LORD, by following His instruction and accepting His correction.

How do you instill values in your children that "will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man" (v. 4)? How do you encourage them to cultivate good character and good communion?²⁰

• First, give them an explanation. Talk to your kids. Do not assume they know what you think. Tell them why it is important that they make wise decisions, whether about drugs or dating, smoking or sex. Talk to them; give them an explanation.
• Second, give them an illustration, preferably, your own good example. Whatever you might say, the most lasting impression will be what they see in you, how your life demonstrates good choices. Show them how good choices make life better; give them an illustration.

Even if you have made some bad choices²¹ choices you wish you had made differently, what is more important to your children (and to God) is not where you have been but where you are bound, because that determines what you will become. Whatever bad decisions you made in the past, are you making good decisions in the present? That is what will prove most effective in convincing your children to cultivate good character and good communion, when they see those same qualities in you.

For children, Father's Day is an occasion to express their appreciation to the one who raised and supported them. For fathers, it is an opportunity to enjoy that appreciation. At some point, also take time to reflect on the nature of this relationship and on the responsibility each party has—fathers to teach their children, and children to learn from their fathers. For those who are no longer children or whose children are grown or who have no father, this Father's Instructions are still relevant, for Solomon's counsel advises all who will listen about the values every child of our heavenly Father should have—to cultivate good character with others and good communion with God.

For the bibliography and endnotes, see the pdf here.