Dr. Paul Manuel—2017
It is usually a good idea for two young people about to get married to seek advice from their parents.
Although the bride and groom were deeply in love, each had a very personal problem:
The groom asked his father for advice—"I am concerned about the success of my marriage because...I have very smelly feet all the time, and I'm afraid she will be put off by them." "No problem," his father replies. "Just wash your feet before you go to bed and always wear socks." This seemed a workable solution, and the young man thanked his father for the advice.
The bride asked her mother for advice—"I am concerned about the success of my marriage because...I have very smelly breath when I wake, and I'm afraid he will not want to sleep in the same room with me." "No problem," her mother replies. "Just go immediately into the bathroom when you awaken; brush your teeth and rinse your mouth. The key is not to say a word, not even 'Good morning' until you've done that." This seemed a workable solution, and the young woman thanked her mother for the advice.
The loving couple married, and both remembered the advice they had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence. They managed quite well until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks has come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his wife who, without thinking, asks, "What on earth are you doing?" "Oh, no," he replies..."you've swallowed my sock!"
It is usually a good idea for two young people about to get married to seek advice from their parents. It is also a good idea to follow God's advice in the scriptures, such as "The Model of Marriage" He offers in Heb 13:4.
The biblical writers use marriage as a model of God's relationship with man. Hosea, for example, uses Gomer's unfaithfulness to the prophet as an illustration of Israel's unfaithfulness to the Lord:
The biblical writers use marriage as a model of God's relationship with man. Hosea, for example, uses Gomer's unfaithfulness to the prophet as an illustration of Israel's unfaithfulness to the Lord:
The LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD" (Hos 1:2).
Paul, in contrast, uses the savior' love for his Church as an illustration of a husband's love for his wife:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.... In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives. (Eph 5:25-26a, 28a)
While examples like these in the Bible show negative and positive aspects of marriage and of what God intends for this institution, they are contrary to what society today claims:
- God established marriage as the union of two people of the opposite sex not two people of the same sex.
"A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen 2:24).
- God prohibits homosexuality and does not consider it an alternative but acceptable lifestyle.1
"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable; they must be put to death" (Lev 20:13a-b).
- God regards sexual sin as what one thinks as well as what one does and equally accountable before Him.
"Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matt 5:28).
Cf. "Out of the heart come...adultery [and] sexual immorality..." (Matt 15:19).
God is not neutral to the way we relate toward others. He has some definite opinions that we would do well to adopt if we are to experience His blessing.
The letter to the Hebrews is one of the few New Testament epistles not by Paul but, like his epistles, it addresses issues important to the early church. It corrects certain theological errors that are gaining credence in the first century, such as if angels are superior to Jesus, if God uses animal sacrifices to pardon man's sin, and if it is possible to lose one's salvation.
The letter to the Hebrews is one of the few New Testament epistles not by Paul but, like his epistles, it addresses issues important to the early church. It corrects certain theological errors that are gaining credence in the first century, such as if angels are superior to Jesus, if God uses animal sacrifices to pardon man's sin, and if it is possible to lose one's salvation.
- Contrary to popular opinion, the status Jesus holds is superior to angels:
The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.... He became as much superior to the angels as the name he has inherited is superior to theirs. (Heb 1:3-4)
- Contrary to popular opinion, the salvation Jesus offers is permanent, unless people choose to reject it:
It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit...if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance.... (Heb 6:4, 6a)2
- Contrary to popular opinion, the sacrifice Jesus made is all-encompassing, providing what no other offering affords:
It is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.... We have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.... There is no longer any sacrifice for sin. (Heb 10:4, 10, 18b)
The author then treats practical issues, giving advice for interpersonal relations that are important to church life, such as caring for others and hosting visitors. He says: "Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." (Heb 13:1-2)
Another aspect of interpersonal relations important to church life is marriage.
God prefers that people who get married stay married, and the marriage ceremony reflects that divine preference by including a promise or vow of faithfulness from one party to the other, a promise before God that He takes seriously. As Moses says, "When a man makes a vow to the LORD...he must not break his word but must do everything he said" (Num 30:2). Notice what makes a vow most serious: It is not just a promise to one's partner but a promise "to the LORD" and, as the writer of Hebrews says: "It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God" (Heb 10:3 1).
People today often have a cavalier attitude toward the promises they make, as if fulfilling them is optional, only if it is convenient. But fulfilling a promise is not optional; it is obligatory, which is why Jesus warned against making frivolous vows: "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No" (Matt 5:37). Jesus is not forbidding people from making promises. He is saying that a promise must be careful not cavalier. People must weigh the cost beforehand and be willing to pay whatever price is required to keep it. So the next time you are tempted to say "I promise" to anything, think again. Ask yourself, "Am I willing to pay the cost of keeping this commitment?" If the answer is "No" or if you are unsure, then hold your tongue.3 Again, Moses says in Deuteronomy:
Another aspect of interpersonal relations important to church life is marriage.
God prefers that people who get married stay married, and the marriage ceremony reflects that divine preference by including a promise or vow of faithfulness from one party to the other, a promise before God that He takes seriously. As Moses says, "When a man makes a vow to the LORD...he must not break his word but must do everything he said" (Num 30:2). Notice what makes a vow most serious: It is not just a promise to one's partner but a promise "to the LORD" and, as the writer of Hebrews says: "It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God" (Heb 10:3 1).
People today often have a cavalier attitude toward the promises they make, as if fulfilling them is optional, only if it is convenient. But fulfilling a promise is not optional; it is obligatory, which is why Jesus warned against making frivolous vows: "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No" (Matt 5:37). Jesus is not forbidding people from making promises. He is saying that a promise must be careful not cavalier. People must weigh the cost beforehand and be willing to pay whatever price is required to keep it. So the next time you are tempted to say "I promise" to anything, think again. Ask yourself, "Am I willing to pay the cost of keeping this commitment?" If the answer is "No" or if you are unsure, then hold your tongue.3 Again, Moses says in Deuteronomy:
If you make a vow to the LORD...your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin [if you renege on it].... 23 Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth. (Deut 23:21, 23)
God considers a vow to be a binding agreement, one people violate to their peril.
Despite Jesus' warning, there are circumstances when making a vow is appropriate: the promise to tell the truth in a court of law, the pledge to serve one's country in military service, and the vow to be faithful to one's spouse in a marriage. These are all occasions when making such a commitment is both appropriate and expected. Still, it is important to remember that such a statement is not just to the court or to the government or to one's spouse, but to the Lord, which adds weight to the words and demands careful thought before and after uttering them.
Back to the matter at hand: Toward the end of his letter to the Hebrews, the author addresses marriage and offers this advice:
Despite Jesus' warning, there are circumstances when making a vow is appropriate: the promise to tell the truth in a court of law, the pledge to serve one's country in military service, and the vow to be faithful to one's spouse in a marriage. These are all occasions when making such a commitment is both appropriate and expected. Still, it is important to remember that such a statement is not just to the court or to the government or to one's spouse, but to the Lord, which adds weight to the words and demands careful thought before and after uttering them.
Back to the matter at hand: Toward the end of his letter to the Hebrews, the author addresses marriage and offers this advice:
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed [should be] kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral (Heb 13:4).
The author says three things about marriage here. He offers an evaluation of the institution, not how society in general views marriage but how society should view marriage, according to God's perspective, which has not changed since He established it at creation.
I. The status of marriage is consistently high: "Marriage should be honored by all."
Over the past one hundred years in America marriage has seen a steady decline, both in the number of people who get married and in the number of people who stay married.
A. There is currently no stigma attached to unmarried people living together.
1. According to 2010 Census data, over 7.5 million unmarried couples live together (15 million people in a nation of 310 million), a 138% increase since 1990 and an increase in 13% from 2009 alone.
a. Many couples view cohabitation as a trial period before committing to marriage.
b. One-fifth of all unmarried couples living together are over 45.
c. The primary reason not to marry is financial, to avoid joint liability for debt.
2. The divorce rate for first marriages is 40-50% (higher for second and third marriages).
B. There is currently little stigma attached to children born out of wedlock.
God recognizes that people do not always keep their vows, including what they say during a wedding ceremony. Consequently, God offers another option, a provision He makes in the law4:
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house (Deut 24:1).
Although this passage in Deuteronomy is about the man, divorce is also an option for the woman, who can appeal to the court for relief from a problem relationship.5
Application: People often see how close they can come to transgressing God's law without crossing the line. For example, some think there is nothing wrong with sexting (which is sending or receiving sexually explicit images or messages over one's cell phone). "That's just harmless fun as long as it doesn't lead to actual adultery. It's the new pornography." If you are a Christian and trying to live close to the line without crossing it, then you are missing the point of a relationship with the Lord. The goal for the believer is not depravity but sanctity, not lewdness (or 'playfulness') but holiness (not faithlessness but faithfulness). Jesus takes a strict view of what constitutes sin ("You have heard that it was said.... But I tell you...." Matt 5:31-39), and so should you. As Paul says,6 "It is God's will...that you should avoid sexual immorality" (1 Thess 4:3), and to avoid something you should stay far from it.
Regardless of how a changing society currently views marriage, God's evaluation of it has not changed in several millennia. The union of a man and woman is still the primary relationship He established at creation: "A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen 2:24). Moreover, He expects that union to be a loving one.7 In God's estimation, the status of marriage is consistently high. Moreover...
Application: People often see how close they can come to transgressing God's law without crossing the line. For example, some think there is nothing wrong with sexting (which is sending or receiving sexually explicit images or messages over one's cell phone). "That's just harmless fun as long as it doesn't lead to actual adultery. It's the new pornography." If you are a Christian and trying to live close to the line without crossing it, then you are missing the point of a relationship with the Lord. The goal for the believer is not depravity but sanctity, not lewdness (or 'playfulness') but holiness (not faithlessness but faithfulness). Jesus takes a strict view of what constitutes sin ("You have heard that it was said.... But I tell you...." Matt 5:31-39), and so should you. As Paul says,6 "It is God's will...that you should avoid sexual immorality" (1 Thess 4:3), and to avoid something you should stay far from it.
Regardless of how a changing society currently views marriage, God's evaluation of it has not changed in several millennia. The union of a man and woman is still the primary relationship He established at creation: "A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen 2:24). Moreover, He expects that union to be a loving one.7 In God's estimation, the status of marriage is consistently high. Moreover...
II. The sanctity of marriage is absolutely pure: "The marriage bed [should be] kept pure."
The phrase 'sanctity of marriage' means that it is holy, that God gives marriage a status different from any other relationship,8 and fidelity (faithfulness) should be one of its chief defining features.9 The prophet Malachi likens Israel's relationship with God to a marriage and likens the nation's disobedience to disloyalty in a marital relationship: "You have broken faith with...your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.... Do not break faith with the wife of your youth." (Mal 2:14b, 15d)
In a marriage, the alternative to loyalty or fidelity is adultery, which God repeatedly condemns10 because it defiles the marital relationship and undermines the goal God has for His people, which is to be holy:
In a marriage, the alternative to loyalty or fidelity is adultery, which God repeatedly condemns10 because it defiles the marital relationship and undermines the goal God has for His people, which is to be holy:
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.... For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. (1 Thess 4:3-5,7)
In Paul's letter to the Thessalonian church, the author admonishes his readers to refrain from the kind of activity ("sexual immorality") that will jeopardize the sanctity of marriage. The Thessalonian believers are not to be like "the heathen, who do not know God." They are to be different, and they must demonstrate their difference by living "a holy life."
For the author of this letter to the Hebrews, holiness has a very practical affect, because it relates directly to the place where a married couple has its most intimate and private encounter. "The marriage bed [should be] kept pure," undefiled by either party's damaging affair. Purity is a fragile state, easily undone even by a brief dalliance.11
Application: God wants you to be holy,12 which may seem like a daunting, even impossible, task. After all, only God is holy. As the apostle John writes: "Who will not fear you,O Lord, and bring glory to your name? For you alone are holy." (Rev 15:4a-b) Nevertheless, holiness is what He expects from His people. God told the Israelites more than once: "Be holy because I am holy" (Lev 11:44-45), and while God Himself does the impossible for His people, He does not expect the impossible from His people. That is, everything He tells you to do is within your ability to do. So when God says: "Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy" (Lev 19:2b), He wants His people, including you, to emulate Him. In fact, this is what God planned for you long ago: "He chose [you] in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight" (Eph 1:4). Moreover, it is in your best interest to "make every effort...to be holy [because] without holiness no one will see the Lord" (Heb 12:14), and that is what your future holds:
As John says, "The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face"13 (Rev 22:3b-4a) Being holy may seem like a vague and unreachable state to many people, but for the married it has a singular and simple manifestation. If you limit sexual encounters to the your bedroom, then you will preserve the sanctity of your marriage. That is, as far as God is concerned, your marriage will be holy.
For the author of this letter to the Hebrews, holiness has a very practical affect, because it relates directly to the place where a married couple has its most intimate and private encounter. "The marriage bed [should be] kept pure," undefiled by either party's damaging affair. Purity is a fragile state, easily undone even by a brief dalliance.11
Application: God wants you to be holy,12 which may seem like a daunting, even impossible, task. After all, only God is holy. As the apostle John writes: "Who will not fear you,O Lord, and bring glory to your name? For you alone are holy." (Rev 15:4a-b) Nevertheless, holiness is what He expects from His people. God told the Israelites more than once: "Be holy because I am holy" (Lev 11:44-45), and while God Himself does the impossible for His people, He does not expect the impossible from His people. That is, everything He tells you to do is within your ability to do. So when God says: "Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy" (Lev 19:2b), He wants His people, including you, to emulate Him. In fact, this is what God planned for you long ago: "He chose [you] in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight" (Eph 1:4). Moreover, it is in your best interest to "make every effort...to be holy [because] without holiness no one will see the Lord" (Heb 12:14), and that is what your future holds:
As John says, "The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face"13 (Rev 22:3b-4a) Being holy may seem like a vague and unreachable state to many people, but for the married it has a singular and simple manifestation. If you limit sexual encounters to the your bedroom, then you will preserve the sanctity of your marriage. That is, as far as God is concerned, your marriage will be holy.
III. The sexuality of marriage is fundamentally fixed: "God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."
Once an individual commits to marriage, sexual intercourse is restricted to a single person,14 and God considers involvement with anyone else to be a violation of that union and of the fidelity marriage requires. In the beginning of a marriage, physical (sexual) activity usually plays a major role and marks the couple's intimacy more than anything else (e.g., more than conversation or recreation).15 It is also subject to tighter controls than any other aspect, leading God to label infidelity as adultery.16 At first, a couple's youthful enthusiasm may be enough to keep them together, but such enthusiasm is fleeting. If by the time that enthusiasm wanes the couple has not replaced it with something more substantial, forces external to their relationship will tug at their union and attempt to pull it apart.17
The sage recognizes the fickle nature of youthful exuberance in two observations:
The sage recognizes the fickle nature of youthful exuberance in two observations:
"[The wayward wife] has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God" (Prov 2:17).
"[The unfaithful husband] who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself" (Prov 6:32).18
Once a person succumbs to the lure of an extra-marital affair, he exposes himself to God's judgment, which is very strict. Adultery is a capital crime, meaning that it is subject to the death penalty. Such a sentence may seem overly harsh not comparable to the act, hardly "eye for eye" (Matt 5:38). Nevertheless, the punishment indicates the seriousness of adultery in God's estimation, a view His people ignore to their peril.
Adultery is not a capital crime in America (or in Israel) today, nor should we seek to make it so. But knowing that God made it so in Ancient Israel does provide insight into how seriously God views it, especially when compared to other capital crimes, such as premeditated murder.19
Adultery is not a capital crime in America (or in Israel) today, nor should we seek to make it so. But knowing that God made it so in Ancient Israel does provide insight into how seriously God views it, especially when compared to other capital crimes, such as premeditated murder.19
"If a man commits adultery with another man's wife...both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death" (Lev 20:10).
"If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel" (Deut 22:22).
"Anyone who strikes a man and kills him shall surely be put to death" (Exod 21:12).
"If anyone takes the life of a human being, he must be put to death" (Lev 24:17).
How can such vastly different acts warrant the same penalty? The answer is that they are not vastly different acts in God's opinion, which is the only opinion that matters in the end. Both adultery and murder violate His standard of holiness, and that violation makes a person subject to His judgment. If infidelity is an issue for you, the question is would you rather face God's judgment now, when you can still repent, or face it later, when repentance is no longer possible?
Man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment (Heb 9:27)
Do not allow society's apparent disparity in its view of adultery and murder to lull you into thinking that God views them differently. Both acts are crimes against His holiness, which He regards seriously enough to warrant the same penalty—death and no gesticulating or arguing will change His mind.
Application: In whatever area you fall short of God's perfect standard—and everyone has some issue—even if it is not as serious as adultery, keep short accounts with Him. That is, deal with sin before you face God on that last day: "For we will all stand before God's judgment seat" (Rom 14:10c).20 Consequently, confession and repentance should be part of your walk with God now so that you do not have to cram before the final exam.
God established marriage as a sacrosanct relationship between a man and a woman, a relationship that has remained the bedrock of society for millennia despite attempts to undermine it or to redefine it. The author of Hebrews provides a succinct summary of the institution God founded and offers guidance in making it work today, guidance in "The Model of Marriage" from Heb 13:4.
Application: In whatever area you fall short of God's perfect standard—and everyone has some issue—even if it is not as serious as adultery, keep short accounts with Him. That is, deal with sin before you face God on that last day: "For we will all stand before God's judgment seat" (Rom 14:10c).20 Consequently, confession and repentance should be part of your walk with God now so that you do not have to cram before the final exam.
God established marriage as a sacrosanct relationship between a man and a woman, a relationship that has remained the bedrock of society for millennia despite attempts to undermine it or to redefine it. The author of Hebrews provides a succinct summary of the institution God founded and offers guidance in making it work today, guidance in "The Model of Marriage" from Heb 13:4.
For the Bibliography and Endnotes see the pdf here.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Relevant and civil comments are welcome. Whether there will be any response depends on whether Dr. Manuel notices them and has the time and inclination to respond or, if not, whether I feel competent to do so.
Jim Skaggs