Conflict Management - 1 Corinthians 7:1-40

 

Lesson 7: The Church’s Questions—Marriage

 

 In chapters 1-6 of 1 Cor, Paul answers questions the church is not asking. These were problems he had to address—division, discipline, lawsuits, immorality—all matters Paul could not ignore. Not only did they evince the improper behavior of certain congregants, such behavior was having a detrimental affect on the church’s testimony in the community.

 In chapter 7, the apostle turns to questions the church is asking. The first is whether or not a believer should marry. Some people today think that Paul was a misogynist—not a massage therapist but a woman hater—that he regarded the opposite sex as a necessity yet also a nuisance, and that he considered marriage to be a wasteful endeavor.⁵⁴ If you have read the passage already, you may have noticed that Paul takes a rather utilitarian view of this relationship (although he could simply be responding to their wording of the question in v. 1b, which may reflect the tendency among some toward asceticism). That is, Paul’s primary determinant to marry or not is the ability or inability to control one’s sexual passions (which he clearly reserves for the context of marriage).⁵⁵ This may seem a bit crass to the modern reader—surely, there are other, more altruistic, reasons to marry (love?)—but keep in mind that Paul offers his advice with a view toward the believer’s and the church’s eschatological role in God’s plan, which could immerge quite soon. We will return to that later.

 Throughout the chapter, Paul contrasts the preferred status with the permitted status,⁵⁶ what is better with what is good. We will follow this line of reasoning as we go through the material, looking for these two positions at each juncture in order to understand how Paul is advising the Corinthian church. Toward the end, we will consider how much of his counsel is relevant for believers today. We begin with Paul’s opening statement in vv. 1-7.

 

 III.       Church’s Questions       7:1-16:9

             A. Marriage         7:1-40

 

1 Cor 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

 8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.  12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

 17 Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18 Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. 20 Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. 21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you— although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24 Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.  

1.        To the believers in general (vv. 1-7)

a.     The preferred status is to be unmarried.⁵⁷            • No reason given (although v. 7a; cf. 4:16)

b.    The permitted status is to be married.⁵⁸

•       To avoid immorality

2.        To the unmarried and widows (vv. 8-9)⁵⁹

a.     The preferred status is to be unmarried.

•       No reason given (although v. 8b)

b.    The permitted status is to be married.

•       To avoid immorality

3.        To the believers married (vv. 10-11)⁶⁰

a.     The preferred status is to remain married.⁶¹

•       Jesus commanded it.⁶²

b.    The permitted status is to be separated.

•       No reason given

           

Conflict Management: Cultivating Concord in the Church at Corinth

4.        To the mixed married (vv. 12-16)

a.     The preferred status is to remain married.

•       The unbeliever is sanctified (cf. comment).

b.    The permitted status is to be separated.

•       Salvation is not guaranteed.

 

Comment: About “so that Satan will not tempt you” (v. 5)

 Some married couples at Corinth may have been abstaining from sexual intimacy to devote themselves more fully to ministry in the church (as Paul recommends later in the chapter). He advises them that such self-denial may be appropriate for a time (“so that you may devote yourselves to prayer”) but can become counter-productive if prolonged.

 

Comment: About “…has been sanctified” (v. 14)

 The short answer (with long footnotes): God does not sanction mixed marriages (i.e., those that begin mixed). Quite the contrary, He prohibits them, because they have had a detrimental affect on His people, turning them away from Him and compromising their holiness.⁶³ Moreover, the offspring of such unions God regards as unholy.⁶⁴ Here, however, Paul is addressing (gentile) marriages that become mixed when one party later comes to faith in God. Such unions God accepts (i.e., sanctifies) as long as the unbelieving party is willing to remain with the believing party, and their offspring He regards as holy.

 The long answer (with relatively short footnotes): Just as our associations can work to our disadvantage, as when we suffer because of the unrighteous company we keep,⁶⁵ so there our associations may work to our advantage, as when we benefit by the righteous company we keep.⁶⁶ Paul sees here not the danger of the unbeliever’s ‘defiling’ the believer but the possibility of the believer’s ‘sanctifying’ the unbeliever. The unbelieving spouse is set apart in a special way— perhaps by being exposed to the effects of salvation—that will, one hopes, lead to his or her conversion (v. 16; Fee 1987:301).⁶⁷ Note, however, that Paul is speaking about marriages that become mixed not that begin mixed (vv. 12-13, cf. 17).⁶⁸  Paul then says in v. 14 if God did not recognize as legitimate marriages that became mixed, the children of such unions would be illegitimate (“unclean”).⁶⁹ Like the unbelieving spouse, however, those children are sanctified (“holy,” same root) and, presumably, have a greater opportunity to come to faith.⁷⁰

 Paul continues his advice to those in mixed marriages with a general statement in v. 17: “…each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him…. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.” He then applies the principle to circumcision, repeating the principle in v. 20, and applies it to slavery, restating the dictum yet again in v. 24.

 

Comment: About “not bound in such circumstances” (v. 15b)

 In the previous section, Paul (appealing to Jesus) permits the separation of husband and wife when both are believers but not their divorce.⁷¹ In this section, when only one party is a believer, he allows the unbelieving party to dissolve the marriage. Should that happen, the believing party is then free to remarry.

 

Comment: About “He should not become circumcised” (v. 18)

 Paul is not saying parents should no longer circumcise their sons. For Jews in the congregation, that would violate God’s command to Abraham and contradict Paul’s testimony in Jerusalem,⁷² as well as make the second part of his statement here nonsensical. “To be circumcised is to keep the commandment of God” (Fee 1987:313).

 Paul is speaking to adult men. He tells those who had been circumcised as infants not to interpret their freedom in the messiah as license to forsake their responsibility as Jews by attempting to reverse the surgical procedure.⁷³ Likewise, those who had not been circumcised as infants should not think that their new relationship to the messiah requires that they undergo complete conversion to Judaism.⁷⁴ One can be a Christian in either situation, circumcised or uncircumcised.

 

1 Cor 7:25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27 Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

 29 What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

 32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

             

Conflict Management: Cultivating Concord in the Church at Corinth

 36 If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.  39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

 

                   5.     To the betrothed and unbetrothed(?) virgins (vv. 25-40)

a.     The preferred status is to remain unmarried.

1)    To spare undue hardship       2) To serve God completely

b.    The permitted status is to get married.

1)    To fulfill vow

2)    To avoid immorality⁷⁵

 

Comment: About “…each man has his own gift from God” (v. 7b)

 In vv. 29-35, Paul reiterates the same eschatological perspective he mentioned earlier in the book, and he explains a statement he made earlier in the chapter, in v. 7b: “…each man has his own gift from God.” The Greek word for gift is ca¿risma, the same word for the endowments in chapter 12 that enable believers to heal, perform miracles, prophesy, etc. The value of these things that come to mind most readily as examples of spiritual gifts is on the horizontal plane. God gives them so that believers may minister to other people, most often, other believers.

 Paul says that singleness can also be counted among the spiritual gifts, because the single person, lacking the responsibilities that attend marriage, is free to minister in ways that a married person is not. As he summarizes the matter in v. 35, singleness allows a kind of “undivided devotion to the Lord” that is not possible for one who is married.⁷⁶

 

Application: Is Paul’s advice to these groups still relevant today? How much of it? How can a person tell if he has the gift of being single?

 This is not a complete treatise on marriage or on the related subjects of sexuality, singleness, divorce, and remarriage. For a fuller picture of God’s will in these matters, we must consult additional passages.⁷⁷ Paul is just answering questions the members of this church have raised. Nevertheless, what he says affirms the importance of this institution. God does not intend sexual relations for casual encounters but for the committed environment of marriage. Neither does He intend divorce to be an easy remedy for marital difficulties. For believers, remaining married is the preferred status to divorce.

 

 V. 17 contains the principle that Paul gives to the Corinthians, “…each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him.” It is a principle that actually applies to any major decision. Paul is not suggesting that they give up bettering their lives. He is not speaking against career, educational, or economic advancement (v. 21b). He is saying that we should also make such determinations with an eye toward advancing God’s kingdom. In applying the principle to marriage, he advises that, without a compelling reason, those who are unmarried should remain so and those who are married should remain so. He cites one good reason for marriage in v. 9: “it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” What other good reasons might there be to marry?

 Paul is not, as some have claimed, against marriage (cf. Fee 1987:269).⁷⁸ If he were, he would be telling those who are married to get divorced. He would also be opposing God’s evaluation in Gen 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Rather, Paul recognizes two things:

•         First, the institution of marriage is not for everyone. God gives some an ability to override the sexual urgency that compels so many others to the altar (v. 7). This gift allows them to devote themselves in God’s service to a degree that is not possible for those with marital responsibilities (v. 35).

•         Not everyone, however, who is single is so because he or she has the gift Paul talks about. There are other reasons. For example, it is important for a believer to find a believing spouse, which severely reduces the pool of eligible candidates. In such cases, a person may want to get married but does not simply because he cannot find a suitable believing mate. Nevertheless, Paul’s first principle is still valid: The institution of marriage is not for everyone.

•         Second, the institution of marriage is not forever. As Paul notes in v. 31, “…this world in its present form is passing away.” You may recall Jesus’ words, that, “[a]t the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage” (Matt 22:30). Therefore, the better course of action, if one possesses the gift, is to use it in complete devotion to serving God. The implication is that such commitment will have greater eternal significance.

•         This does not mean that a person who is married cannot devote his life to God. Most pastors are devoted to God’s service (although their ability to minister is partially dependent on the commitment of their spouse), but their time is necessarily divided between pastoral duties and family responsibilities. Nevertheless, Paul’s second principle is also still valid: The institution of marriage is not forever.

Paul’s point is simply that there are advantages to remaining single in order to serve God, but he recognizes that celibacy is not for everybody.