The "Declaration of Independence" includes the assertion that God has endowed man with certain "unalienable rights," namely, "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." It is that last one, The Pursuit of Happiness, I would like us to consider on this occasion, noting in particular two aspects of happiness.
- First, God's intention for you is that you be happy. Solomon said...
There is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. (Eccles 3:12)
That goal is what He wants for you, to be happy.
- Second, God's instruction to you will help you be happy. Again, Solomon said...
To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, (Eccles 2:26a)
That guidance is what He provides for you, helping you to be happy.
Looking at these two principles more closely we see how they actually bear out.
I. God's intention for you is that you be happy.
From the beginning of time, God had you in mind, and He made provision for your happiness. In Genesis...
God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Gen 2:18,24)
Through the institution of marriage, God made provision for your happiness...but He did not guarantee it. It is up to you to pursue happiness in your love for each other. Many people gauge the success of that pursuit, the degree of their happiness, by the way they feel. They say such things as...
I'm so in love that my heart races whenever we're together.
She's always on my mind. I can't wait to see her.
We're soul mates.
While there is a romantic element to love, the tensions of life will occasionally overshadow it (e.g., argument, financial difficulty, fatigue)—there will be times when you do not feel very loving. That is when there must be more to love than romance, something that holds you together, something that enables you to pursue happiness no matter how you feel.... Is there an alternative, a more reliable way for you to accomplish this together?
God says the success of your pursuit requires another element. In addition to the way you feel about each other, love is how you behave toward each other. It is your commitment to each other no matter how you feel. The apostle Paul offers this biblical definition of love...
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (1 Cor 13:4-6)
This is the type of love God enjoins, because it shows in more than your feelings, which are not necessarily obvious; it shows in your actions, which are clear for all to see, especially your spouse.
God's intention for you is that you be happy, and through the apostle and others...
II. God's instruction to you will help you be happy.
Let me highlight two of those ways.
First, in your pursuit of happiness, disagreements will arise that will stir some negative emotions, like anger, and when that happens it is important to manage your anger, especially with each other. To that end...
- Do not be angry at the same time.
If one of you can keep a cool head, you can usually prevent a situation from getting out of hand.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Prov 15:1)
So, avoid raising your voice to each other. Find more constructive ways to express your disagreement. Do not be angry at the same time, and...
- Do not be angry for a long time.
Early in our relationship, Linda and I established a 10-minute rule. If one of us is angry with the other, it can only last 10 minutes; then it is over. Whatever time-limit you establish, do not go to bed mad. Again, as the apostle Paul says...
In other words, do not be angry for a long time.Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. (Eph 4:26b)
So, first, when disagreements stir your emotions, manage your anger, especially with each other, and it will not hinder your pursuit of happiness. Second, in your pursuit of happiness, establish your priorities, especially with each other, keeping in mind what God deems important. To do that...
- Decide what really matters in your life now.
The choices you made as a single person are different from those you will make as
a couple.
- How you spend your money,
- Where you live,
- What you do on the weekends,
- Whom your closest friends are.
What seemed important to you before today may be different from this point on, because you now have a different concern: Another person has become an integral part of your life, and that other person deserves your attention and consideration.
[A] married man is concerned about...how he can please his wife and...a married woman is concerned about...how she can please her husband. (1 Cor 7:33-34)
That is how it should be, because the priorities you had as a single person are different from those you will make as a couple.
Decide what really matters in your life now, then...
- Consider what will really matter in your life later.
As you look ahead, your plans for next year are probably clear (e.g., getting out of debt, purchasing a home). Your plans for the following year, though, are not as clear. In fact, the farther ahead you try to look, the less you see. (For example, did you think a year ago that you would be standing here today?) Your situation is stable now; but at some point, you may wonder if there will be...
- A roof over your heads, or
- Food on the table, or
- Clothes to wear.
Thankfully, much of the apprehension about what the future holds will disappear if you put the future in God's hands and make His priorities your own.
[Jesus said] ...do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For...your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matt 6:31-33)
[The apostle Paul takes it a step further, saying that such] godliness [making God's priorities your own] has value...for both the present life and the life to come. (1 Tim 4:8)
As you consider what will really matter in your life later, take advantage of the assurance God offers you...assurance that can begin today. Establish your priorities together, keeping in mind what God deems important, and it will ensure that your pursuit of happiness will be successful.
God's intention for you is that you be happy, and God's instruction to you will help you be happy. If you devote yourself to His agenda, to His goals for you as a married couple, you will be happy... in this life and the next.
For a pdf see here.
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Relevant and civil comments are welcome. Whether there will be any response depends on whether Dr. Manuel notices them and has the time and inclination to respond or, if not, whether I feel competent to do so.
Jim Skaggs